Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Friday, 19 November 2010
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Issue 409 of Bewildering Stories is out on Monday (22nd Nov 10) containing my story Nobody Knows a Damned Thing. The eagle-eyed amongst you may spot it's a reprint of the story that first appeared in 07 on paper in what we writers used to think of as a 'real magazine', the now-sadly-defunct Transmission. Oh dear, this seems a bit mean to all those doing great work with paper magazines, Attack!!!, The Front View, and so on, but I am still sore about Manchester's Independent Voice going under, "a sturdy ship on the turbulent water" and so on. It was my aim to see the story on Bewildering Stories with archival, portable link and wide readership. Many thanks to the great people at Bewildering Stories for accepting it.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Many writers 'forget' to update Duotrope, the story submission website, especially when they've had a story rejected. Who wouldn't? It's human nature. Writers hate rejection, so why go and update Duotrope when you feel like murder. Screw the accuracy of the data. They can go and shove it sort of thing
Last week I forgot to update Duotrope when I had Jack Kerouac Eats Here ACCEPTED by the great people at The Smoking Poet. Due date December 2010. I started it about five years ago and shortened it and altered it until hardly any of the original idea remained. It used to be something odd about seahorses according to my diary. Now it's a rework of Kerouac's masterpiece with echoes of the great man. Although I think it's the perfect flash fiction and the greatest thing I've ever written, I'd got used to seeing, "We see thousands of submissions a week and unfortunately yours was the thousand and tenth....." Except that I ALWAYS update Duotrope success or failure.
Another odd email in the 192 spams after holiday was Paypal saying that Duotrope had cancelled my annual donation. I'm not going to ask them why. Okay maybe I will. They survive on donations although it seems they don't want my donation.
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Friday, 3 September 2010
Deepa Kandaswamy wrote: “After reading the book, not only does one realize that British humor is still alive and kicking, but one is also amazed at the freedom with which the author pokes fun at prominent leaders without fear of reprisal. I wonder if the Americans can come up with a similar book [ ] without being accused of being unpatriotic or being sued for libel. Even Michael Moore's work and films pale in comparison to this book, which I hope will be made into a rollicking, fun movie.” You can read her full review here.
It’s also received rave reviews at Authonomy, where you can read quite a few chapters. Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years is a wickedly funny tale of political satire and delusion. Tony “Bono” Blair is a bit confused. He believes he is the famed British Prime Minister of the same name, deposed after winning a third term. Things begin to look up for Tony when a letter arrives offering a position with McCreedie construction. Thinking he is taking over as CEO of a powerful NASDAQ company, Tony accepts the offer and travels to Scotland, hoping to meet the people, regain their trust, and use his new career as a springboard back into high office. But things aren’t as they seem…
I decided to self-publish with Booksurge in 2005 believing that it would always be for sale through Amazon because that was the contract I signed with them. Then Amazon bought Booksurge, renamed it CreateSpace and reneged on the contract. They only sell my novel through their reseller marketplace at an astronomical £25 thus ensuring sales achieve zero.
However, I have six new signed copies to sell myself through the reseller scheme (aka woolfysmith) for a fiver each plus £2.75 P+P (UK only). Just click here. While offer lasts.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
It's here at @http://tiny.cc/9kq6a
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Monday, 1 March 2010
But it was more than just an ordinary net-ripper by the greatest living scouser because the ball struck lifelong red Damian Nobble, (2) blind since birth, who was in his mother’s arms behind the goal. Damian’s mother Chantelle was amazed when Damian announced he could see for the first time in his life.
“I was gobsmackerooneyed,” said Chantelle (14). “It was a rooning miracle,” she went on and on. “Comparisons between Wayne Rooney, Christiano Ronaldo and Christ are completely justified.”
Wayne Rooney is close to discovering a cure for cancer and is hoping to be fit for the World Cup.
As news of the miracle goal reached the Vatican, the Pope described it as one of the finest moments in the history of the western world and said that Rooney was a really good bloke.
Sections of the ball struck by the great Rooon, a Nike Total 90 Aerow II Hi-Vis ball with six-Wing carbon latex bladder sponsored by Durex, will be available from the Manchester United shop for distribution to missions in Africa.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Friday, 12 February 2010
The time to spare editors used to be the end of summer, when all those wannabeeJKs return from homes in France with tomes such as, Gone With the Mistral, A Book Not Unlike Gone With the Wind But Set in France. It's a seasonal thing, but not any more.
Here in Strange Story HQ, a divided packet of chicken chips shared around a single unlit candle invoked the proper spirit of Christmas, and writing continued unabated in the hope of catching the editors in relaxed mood with their feet up, mince pie in hand.
It's always worked before. Maybe it's the credit crunch, but during the last festive season, (which started on Oct 30th), I sent out eight submissions. How many responses have I received? Three! And one submission went red on Duotrope last week, indicating a query was due. Now I haven't had a response to the query. The other editors must still be sitting on top of a pile of emails, or having babies, or both. What is going on?
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
The reputation of the dead British motor industry took another hammering yesterday with the recall of billions of crap cars manufactured in the UK before they became part of China's Nanjing Automobile company in 2005. Models affected are the Morris Ital, Marina, Austin Allegro, Maxi and Princess.
The move comes after a series of rose-tinted sentimental journeys into the past revealed incompetent British management and woeful under-investment battered the standing of the world's oldest car maker.
Britain’s worldwide problems have caused much hand-wringing and consternation. The British transport minister yesterday blamed everyone else especially the EU for reacting too slowly to the unfolding crisis by several decades.
Monday, 8 February 2010
I love the history behind the pathetic Tesco Quiche non-story that the Daily Mail carried for no known reason and turned into it's-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it. I think Tescos Quiche causes cancer too. (That's an in-joke about the Daily Mail BTW)
So, please after reading this if you still think it's important that The Daily Mail brings us a story about one person who was asked for ID in error when buying a quiche in Tescos you have officially lost the plot.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Yahoo: Mars and moon in heavenly show.
Rate my artwork here.
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Those great people at Rainy City Stories chose to publish a story I submitted months ago, In-Car Valeting. Look, it's a giant metaphor, which is like a semaphore but meta.
Here's my artwork that accompanies the story (Watercolour, 17.8 x 25.4cm)
PS PS I'm spreading the word about the Veterans in Prison Association, VIPA. Their website is http://www.events21.com/ and they're also on Facebook.