Poetry Day ireland
6 years ago
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Weirdyear to publish my piece
My piece titled How I Came to Light Up the Universe has been accepted into WEIRDYEAR and will be published on their front page on 10/3/10.
Monday, 1 March 2010
Rooney Strike Hits Blind Boy Who Sees Again
Chief Sports Writer, John Dildo - True to form, Wayne Rooney’s stunning 30-yard header in the tenth minute of time added-on sealed Manchester United's triumphal victory over Aston Villa in Sunday’s league cup final.
But it was more than just an ordinary net-ripper by the greatest living scouser because the ball struck lifelong red Damian Nobble, (2) blind since birth, who was in his mother’s arms behind the goal. Damian’s mother Chantelle was amazed when Damian announced he could see for the first time in his life.
“I was gobsmackerooneyed,” said Chantelle (14). “It was a rooning miracle,” she went on and on. “Comparisons between Wayne Rooney, Christiano Ronaldo and Christ are completely justified.”
Wayne Rooney is close to discovering a cure for cancer and is hoping to be fit for the World Cup.
As news of the miracle goal reached the Vatican, the Pope described it as one of the finest moments in the history of the western world and said that Rooney was a really good bloke.
Sections of the ball struck by the great Rooon, a Nike Total 90 Aerow II Hi-Vis ball with six-Wing carbon latex bladder sponsored by Durex, will be available from the Manchester United shop for distribution to missions in Africa.
But it was more than just an ordinary net-ripper by the greatest living scouser because the ball struck lifelong red Damian Nobble, (2) blind since birth, who was in his mother’s arms behind the goal. Damian’s mother Chantelle was amazed when Damian announced he could see for the first time in his life.
“I was gobsmackerooneyed,” said Chantelle (14). “It was a rooning miracle,” she went on and on. “Comparisons between Wayne Rooney, Christiano Ronaldo and Christ are completely justified.”
Wayne Rooney is close to discovering a cure for cancer and is hoping to be fit for the World Cup.
As news of the miracle goal reached the Vatican, the Pope described it as one of the finest moments in the history of the western world and said that Rooney was a really good bloke.
Sections of the ball struck by the great Rooon, a Nike Total 90 Aerow II Hi-Vis ball with six-Wing carbon latex bladder sponsored by Durex, will be available from the Manchester United shop for distribution to missions in Africa.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
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Friday, 12 February 2010
Christmas Backlog Times Are Changing
October, November and December used to be the perfect time to send story submissions to the editors of magazines. Writers are supposed to have other things to do. They're supposed to be busy with their high-powered day jobs, spending hard-earned credit on presents, and partying so they aren't in a position to weigh down depressed editors with their 500000 words tomes such as, Harry Trotter, He's Not At All Like Harry Potter.
The time to spare editors used to be the end of summer, when all those wannabeeJKs return from homes in France with tomes such as, Gone With the Mistral, A Book Not Unlike Gone With the Wind But Set in France. It's a seasonal thing, but not any more.
Here in Strange Story HQ, a divided packet of chicken chips shared around a single unlit candle invoked the proper spirit of Christmas, and writing continued unabated in the hope of catching the editors in relaxed mood with their feet up, mince pie in hand.
It's always worked before. Maybe it's the credit crunch, but during the last festive season, (which started on Oct 30th), I sent out eight submissions. How many responses have I received? Three! And one submission went red on Duotrope last week, indicating a query was due. Now I haven't had a response to the query. The other editors must still be sitting on top of a pile of emails, or having babies, or both. What is going on?
The time to spare editors used to be the end of summer, when all those wannabeeJKs return from homes in France with tomes such as, Gone With the Mistral, A Book Not Unlike Gone With the Wind But Set in France. It's a seasonal thing, but not any more.
Here in Strange Story HQ, a divided packet of chicken chips shared around a single unlit candle invoked the proper spirit of Christmas, and writing continued unabated in the hope of catching the editors in relaxed mood with their feet up, mince pie in hand.
It's always worked before. Maybe it's the credit crunch, but during the last festive season, (which started on Oct 30th), I sent out eight submissions. How many responses have I received? Three! And one submission went red on Duotrope last week, indicating a query was due. Now I haven't had a response to the query. The other editors must still be sitting on top of a pile of emails, or having babies, or both. What is going on?
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Britain to Recall Billions of Crap Cars
By Ray Flatulent
The reputation of the dead British motor industry took another hammering yesterday with the recall of billions of crap cars manufactured in the UK before they became part of China's Nanjing Automobile company in 2005. Models affected are the Morris Ital, Marina, Austin Allegro, Maxi and Princess.
The move comes after a series of rose-tinted sentimental journeys into the past revealed incompetent British management and woeful under-investment battered the standing of the world's oldest car maker.
Britain’s worldwide problems have caused much hand-wringing and consternation. The British transport minister yesterday blamed everyone else especially the EU for reacting too slowly to the unfolding crisis by several decades.
Read more@http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1249160/Toyota-Prius-recall-8-500-British-cars-recalled-braking-fears.html?ITO=1490#ixzz0f8Nw0rmm
The reputation of the dead British motor industry took another hammering yesterday with the recall of billions of crap cars manufactured in the UK before they became part of China's Nanjing Automobile company in 2005. Models affected are the Morris Ital, Marina, Austin Allegro, Maxi and Princess.
The move comes after a series of rose-tinted sentimental journeys into the past revealed incompetent British management and woeful under-investment battered the standing of the world's oldest car maker.
Britain’s worldwide problems have caused much hand-wringing and consternation. The British transport minister yesterday blamed everyone else especially the EU for reacting too slowly to the unfolding crisis by several decades.
Read more@http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1249160/Toyota-Prius-recall-8-500-British-cars-recalled-braking-fears.html?ITO=1490#ixzz0f8Nw0rmm
Monday, 8 February 2010
Tabloid Watch and the End of the Quiche As We Know It
Essential reading for anyone still sane is Tabloid Watch which looks suspiciously like The Guardian's Media Monkey.
I love the history behind the pathetic Tesco Quiche non-story that the Daily Mail carried for no known reason and turned into it's-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it. I think Tescos Quiche causes cancer too. (That's an in-joke about the Daily Mail BTW)
So, please after reading this if you still think it's important that The Daily Mail brings us a story about one person who was asked for ID in error when buying a quiche in Tescos you have officially lost the plot.
I love the history behind the pathetic Tesco Quiche non-story that the Daily Mail carried for no known reason and turned into it's-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it. I think Tescos Quiche causes cancer too. (That's an in-joke about the Daily Mail BTW)
So, please after reading this if you still think it's important that The Daily Mail brings us a story about one person who was asked for ID in error when buying a quiche in Tescos you have officially lost the plot.
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